Reading all these posts about "taper madness", I've come to realize there's a bit of constant crazy in every runner, isn't there? As I approach my first full year of hardish-core running, the longest commitment I've ever made to anything remotely unpleasant (including college and boyfriends), I'm becoming more conscious of the root of that madness - the fear of losing this strange compulsion I've come to love and honestly depend on, so much.
Training has been patchy lately. I've not been getting in my two 5-milers per week, and last week I missed my long run. I plan on making that up on Monday when I do the Tufts Health Plan 10k for Women.
I've also been a little sick, but I managed to bang out five miles on Tuesday night. By the end of it the only thing running was my nose (har har har - sorry, I had to go there) and I felt like I was going to collapse, but at least it happened.
What I noticed though, was something I'd been ragingly upset about all weekend and probably through the end of last week doesn't upset me as much any more since that run. It's starting to build up again, but since I know I'll be doing an 8 or 9 miler on Saturday, it's not such a big deal. Weird.
At the same time, there's this terror in the back of my mind any time I feel less than invincible, that something is going to stop me from running. Forever. That's the madness. Every time there's a cramp, or a twinge in my leg, or the sniffles, I freak out a little bit. It's going to stop me from running, and then my quitaholic nature is just going to take over and decide to not start back up again.
I've felt for the past 8 months that I've been carrying on a relay race of my entire life. Every day I run I carry the baton further, and I'm a different person every time.
Now that's crazy for ya. But I'll take it.
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